The other day one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, tweeted
"Writing is about not being in the mood and doing it anyway. When I blow off my Writer, it injures my Being, my wild creative worker-bee soul."
This resonated with me, mostly because lately I find myself staring at a blank screen more often than not. I have all sorts of thoughts rumbling about in my mind, emotions clamoring inside, but no words to attach to any of it. This summer has been a time of reflection, solitude, and pleasure. We've begun each day slowly, rubbing the sleep out of our eyes while sipping coffee and chewing bites of warm oatmeal with ease as the boys play with plastic motorcycles at our feet. The four of us, enveloped in our family, together and alone at the same time.
Down the street from our house the local Templo was having its yearly celebration last week, complete with food booths, carnival rides, and fireworks. Solo blended in like a local almost-four-year-old Mexican boy (except for being the only kid who wears a bike helmet). He rode the rickity roller coaster, munched on tacos al pastor slathered in salsa and slurped down ice cold horchata by the litro. Jumping on the trampoline, he hollered, "Mommy! Mira!" (Look!) When we asked if he was having fun, and if it was as fun as Nonna & Grandpa's trampoline, he responded without hesitation, "It's more fun! It's too cold on Nonna's trampoline."
The struggle to come to terms with missing our home & feeling uncomfortable as expatriates along with raising our boys in an environment they love and know won't ever go away. As much as I feel alone here at times, Solo does not. As much as I feel foreign, he does not. (Or does he?) As much as I miss home, Solo is home already. Moving to the U.S. will mean 'going back' for us and it will mean leaving home for them.
I'm not sure I'll ever know what's the right thing to do, but for now we are here. And we have two more weeks of summer to enjoy being together all four of us.
{I'm going to unplug for a few days and hopefully will be back with fun stories and pictures this weekend!}
